Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

I used to think that communing with nature was a healing, positive thing. Now, I think I'd like to commune with other things - like room service and temperature control.

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

I'm on the mirror diet. You eat all your food in front of a mirror in the nude. It works pretty good, though some of the fancier restaurants don't go for it.

I avoided reality for most of my life. But once you deal with it, it's kind of cool.