Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts!

To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian.

My husband is almost as heavy as I am. We were married in adjoining churches.

I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That's what we're supposed to do. But I not only ask the questions, I offer solutions.

The only options open for girls then were of course mother, secretary or teacher. At least that's what we all thought and were preparing ourselves for. Now, I must say how lucky we are, as women, to live in an age where 'Dental Hygienist' has been added to the list.

Don't call people names you dirty name caller you.