Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

My husband is almost as heavy as I am. We were married in adjoining churches.

I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three.

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.

I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great.