A lot of men are impotent and it's very sad. How many of you are impotent? I see. Can't get your arms up either?

To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it's a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write - but only for about ten minutes.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three.

My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that.

I'm just into spirituality. I believe that in a previous life I used to be Shirley MacLaine.

My children love me. I'm like the mother they never had.