My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

Ever since I was a girl, I have written about one to five pages every day - on napkins, on scrap paper, in notebooks and tablets, on the walls in my room as a teenager, and in orange paint on the cheap white plastic blinds in my room.

I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.

I survived my childhood by birthing many separate identities to stand in for one another in times of great stress and fear.

I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.

I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.

Laugh every day as much as you can.