A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.

The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.

There's nothing like a hardship song to set my toes a-tappin.

The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment Roseanne dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!

'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.

One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.