politics and religion in the United States work like the twin grips of a pair of pliers on a critical mass of the masses.

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.

I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with.

I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way.

I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.

Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey.

I had one kid with the birth control pill, I had one with the diaphram and I had one with the I.U.D. I don't even know what happened with my I.U.D. It never came out. But I have my suspicions because that kid picks up HBO.