Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey.

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

I want to say that nobody accuses their parents of abusing them without justification to do that. I didn't just make it up. A lot of things were true and abusive and horrible things that happened to me that my father did.

Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact.

One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.