I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.'

I survived my childhood by birthing many separate identities to stand in for one another in times of great stress and fear.

I didn't know that being in a relationship meant you had to be nice. I thought it meant you had to hack away at the other person until they were beaten down and then were too afraid to leave.

I’m not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S.

Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.

TV family sitcoms have always been about fathers who know best and mothers who are so enchanted with everything they do. I wanted to be the first mom to be a mom on TV. I wanted to sent out a message about how us women really feel.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.