I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.'

Eat as much as you'd like. My philosophy has always been that all women desire to be as fat as myself but just have a great fear of doing so. Because they think they won't get any men, but you will. You'll get more men, and better men.

Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

Both the Democratic and Republican parties are bought and paid for by corporate America and cater to the needs of the highest bidder as opposed to the people they claim to represent. I cannot be bought.

I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.

I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.