Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.

Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian.

A lot of people in television who've had successful shows claim the 'Roseanne' show as their starting place, and I'm really proud of that.

You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there.

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.