Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.

We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.

I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.