I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.

You know what, when I was thin, I thought there was a fat girl trying to get out of me.

I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids.

I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great.

Both the Democratic and Republican parties are bought and paid for by corporate America and cater to the needs of the highest bidder as opposed to the people they claim to represent. I cannot be bought.

I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.