My children love me. I'm like the mother they never had.

One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.

Laugh every day as much as you can.

Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact.

In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.

Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.