I avoided reality for most of my life. But once you deal with it, it's kind of cool.

I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.

Abortion is a woman's right.

I’m not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S.

I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.

Being nuts is its own reward.

Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us?