I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.

I know how to do anything, I'm a mom.

It's not really the job of a public servant to inspire, but to get the job that the people demand done. The Democrats think that if they have hope and are inspired, things will get better, but they actually won't.

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.

My best friend Linda is leaving her husband just because he is unfaithful to her. That is no reason to leave the person. I feel like after that, you should stay with them and make sure that the rest of their life is sheer hell.

I think I should be here alone to rethink the world, I do. I want these lesser humans gone.

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.