When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying.

You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there.

I used to think that communing with nature was a healing, positive thing. Now, I think I'd like to commune with other things - like room service and temperature control.

Eat as much as you'd like. My philosophy has always been that all women desire to be as fat as myself but just have a great fear of doing so. Because they think they won't get any men, but you will. You'll get more men, and better men.

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

I was not raised a Zionist, but a socialist, as were most Jews before the Holocaust.

Nobody wanted the "Roseanne" show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family.