Who's elk horn do I have to blow in order to get something to eat around here?

Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.

I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

I'm just into spirituality. I believe that in a previous life I used to be Shirley MacLaine.

I simply care nothing for any of your religions, as all three are fundamentally flawed, unlike the Church of Common Sense, right from the start! They call God he instead of she and all three would like to burn me at the stake for saying that!

The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment Roseanne dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!