I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird?

I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.

My grandmother ... came here, not only like so many others because of the streets 'being paved with gold' and all, but because she wanted to leave the place where the streets were paved with people who had not gone to America.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.'

Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian.

My real life is funnier than anything on TV.