The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

I want to say that nobody accuses their parents of abusing them without justification to do that. I didn't just make it up. A lot of things were true and abusive and horrible things that happened to me that my father did.

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.