The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

My children love me. I'm like the mother they never had.

I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.

ACORN is organizing to make sure the job of rebuilding New Orleans is done by the people of New Orleans and truly benefits the communities who have been hurt the most.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.