I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver.

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

Everything here must be done twice as no one can do it right the first time.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool.

I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.

I signed a deal with Satan because I wanted to get famous. Then I forgot I had a deal with Satan and then I got really famous.