There is still quite the vibe out there that as a parent you have to be completely in control and in charge.

Everybody is talking about the behavior. Behaviors float downstream to us. We need to paddle upstream. The problems that are causing the behaviors, that's what's waiting for us. It's a crucial paradigm shift.

Kids are overprogrammed these days.

If a solution isn't mutually satisfactory, it's not going to stick.

When people are rushed, they're stressed and you greatly increase the likelihood of being punitive and unilateral just because you're trying to grasp control.

We have forgotten that those skills on the more positive side of human nature have to be taught, have to be modeled, have to be practiced.

You want to teach all kids the skills that are on the better side of human nature: empathy, appreciating how one's behavior is affecting other people, resolving disagreements in ways that do not involve conflict, taking another's perspective, honesty.