Challenging behavior is just a signal, the fever, the means by which the kid is communicating that he or she is having difficulty meeting an expectation.

We have forgotten that those skills on the more positive side of human nature have to be taught, have to be modeled, have to be practiced.

It's a whole lot more productive to be in problem-solving mode than it is to be in behavior modification mode.

When people are rushed, they're stressed and you greatly increase the likelihood of being punitive and unilateral just because you're trying to grasp control.

Parents are much more likely to be attuned to what they don't like than they are to the expectations that the kid is having difficulty meeting.

Most parents are accustomed to dealing with problems in the heat of the moment.

When there's a good fit between skills and expectations, there's what we call compatibility, and we would expect a good outcome. When there's a poor fit between expectations and the capacity of the kid, there is incompatibility, and that's when we see people exhibit challenging behavior.