If we're being unilateral, then communication does not happen, the relationship does not happen.

It's a whole lot more productive to be in problem-solving mode than it is to be in behavior modification mode.

You want to teach all kids the skills that are on the better side of human nature: empathy, appreciating how one's behavior is affecting other people, resolving disagreements in ways that do not involve conflict, taking another's perspective, honesty.

When there's a good fit between skills and expectations, there's what we call compatibility, and we would expect a good outcome. When there's a poor fit between expectations and the capacity of the kid, there is incompatibility, and that's when we see people exhibit challenging behavior.

Being completely in control is a fantasy.

If we're being unilateral, then communication does not happen, the relationship does not happen.

You're your kid's partner, not the person who's pulling all the strings.