Everybody is talking about the behavior. Behaviors float downstream to us. We need to paddle upstream. The problems that are causing the behaviors, that's what's waiting for us. It's a crucial paradigm shift.

The vast majority of things parents and kids get in conflict over are highly predictable. We're disagreeing about the same expectations the kid is having difficulty meeting every hour, every day, every week. Because it's predictable, we can have these conversations proactively. That is very hard for people.

We never get to see that our kid is capable of solving problems on her own. We never start to build up the faith that they can actually do it.

If a solution isn't mutually satisfactory, it's not going to stick.

Most parents are accustomed to dealing with problems in the heat of the moment.

If we're sitting at dinner and there's no conversation going on because everybody's got their head someplace else in their iPhone, that's a family problem that needs to be solved.

Being completely in control is a fantasy.