Everybody is talking about the behavior. Behaviors float downstream to us. We need to paddle upstream. The problems that are causing the behaviors, that's what's waiting for us. It's a crucial paradigm shift.

It's a whole lot more productive to be in problem-solving mode than it is to be in behavior modification mode.

Being completely in control is a fantasy.

We have forgotten that those skills on the more positive side of human nature have to be taught, have to be modeled, have to be practiced.

Most parents are accustomed to dealing with problems in the heat of the moment.

When people are rushed, they're stressed and you greatly increase the likelihood of being punitive and unilateral just because you're trying to grasp control.

You want to teach all kids the skills that are on the better side of human nature: empathy, appreciating how one's behavior is affecting other people, resolving disagreements in ways that do not involve conflict, taking another's perspective, honesty.