You want to teach all kids the skills that are on the better side of human nature: empathy, appreciating how one's behavior is affecting other people, resolving disagreements in ways that do not involve conflict, taking another's perspective, honesty.

Over 18 years of us solving problems together, my daughter has shown me that she's got a good head on her shoulders, that she is pretty good at solving the problems that affect her life. If she wants my input, she gets it.

My advice to educators is collaborate with parents; they know a lot about their kids.

When there's a good fit between skills and expectations, there's what we call compatibility, and we would expect a good outcome. When there's a poor fit between expectations and the capacity of the kid, there is incompatibility, and that's when we see people exhibit challenging behavior.

If a solution isn't mutually satisfactory, it's not going to stick.

We never get to see that our kid is capable of solving problems on her own. We never start to build up the faith that they can actually do it.

There is still quite the vibe out there that as a parent you have to be completely in control and in charge.