It's a whole lot more productive to be in problem-solving mode than it is to be in behavior modification mode.

If a solution isn't mutually satisfactory, it's not going to stick.

You want to teach all kids the skills that are on the better side of human nature: empathy, appreciating how one's behavior is affecting other people, resolving disagreements in ways that do not involve conflict, taking another's perspective, honesty.

The vast majority of things parents and kids get in conflict over are highly predictable. We're disagreeing about the same expectations the kid is having difficulty meeting every hour, every day, every week. Because it's predictable, we can have these conversations proactively. That is very hard for people.

School is very demanding these days.

There is still quite the vibe out there that as a parent you have to be completely in control and in charge.

It's a whole lot more productive to be in problem-solving mode than it is to be in behavior modification mode.