A lot of parents aren't exactly sure how to go about solving a problem with a kid in a way that's mutually satisfactory - doing that with their child feels very foreign to a lot of people. It probably explains why so many parents tell me their kids don't listen to them and why so many kids tell me that they don't feel heard.

Solutions can't be imposed. That just fosters resentment.

It's a whole lot more productive to be in problem-solving mode than it is to be in behavior modification mode.

School is very demanding these days.

Be your kid's collaborative partner, but also be a collaborative partner with the folks at school. Schools can be pretty unilateral too. Show them you know how to collaborate. Show them this is not about power. Let them know detentions and suspensions and paddling don't solve the problems that are affecting kids' lives. Those problems can be identified and solved but not by being punitive.

You're your kid's partner, not the person who's pulling all the strings.

Being completely in control is a fantasy.