The vast majority of things parents and kids get in conflict over are highly predictable. We're disagreeing about the same expectations the kid is having difficulty meeting every hour, every day, every week. Because it's predictable, we can have these conversations proactively. That is very hard for people.

You want to teach all kids the skills that are on the better side of human nature: empathy, appreciating how one's behavior is affecting other people, resolving disagreements in ways that do not involve conflict, taking another's perspective, honesty.

Challenging behavior is just a signal, the fever, the means by which the kid is communicating that he or she is having difficulty meeting an expectation.

Kids are overprogrammed these days.

Being completely in control is a fantasy.

The idea that we can take this lump of clay and mold it into a form of our choosing is absolutely ludicrous.

We have forgotten that those skills on the more positive side of human nature have to be taught, have to be modeled, have to be practiced.