We never get to see that our kid is capable of solving problems on her own. We never start to build up the faith that they can actually do it.

When people are rushed, they're stressed and you greatly increase the likelihood of being punitive and unilateral just because you're trying to grasp control.

Parents are much more likely to be attuned to what they don't like than they are to the expectations that the kid is having difficulty meeting.

Most parents are accustomed to dealing with problems in the heat of the moment.

Be your kid's collaborative partner, but also be a collaborative partner with the folks at school. Schools can be pretty unilateral too. Show them you know how to collaborate. Show them this is not about power. Let them know detentions and suspensions and paddling don't solve the problems that are affecting kids' lives. Those problems can be identified and solved but not by being punitive.

We never get to see that our kid is capable of solving problems on her own. We never start to build up the faith that they can actually do it.

Solutions can't be imposed. That just fosters resentment.