We never get to see that our kid is capable of solving problems on her own. We never start to build up the faith that they can actually do it.

If a solution isn't mutually satisfactory, it's not going to stick.

You want to teach all kids the skills that are on the better side of human nature: empathy, appreciating how one's behavior is affecting other people, resolving disagreements in ways that do not involve conflict, taking another's perspective, honesty.

Being completely in control is a fantasy.

The vast majority of things parents and kids get in conflict over are highly predictable. We're disagreeing about the same expectations the kid is having difficulty meeting every hour, every day, every week. Because it's predictable, we can have these conversations proactively. That is very hard for people.

If we're sitting at dinner and there's no conversation going on because everybody's got their head someplace else in their iPhone, that's a family problem that needs to be solved.

If we're being unilateral, then communication does not happen, the relationship does not happen.