It's so crucial to really get a good handle on what's getting in the way of the kid completing a homework assignment. It can be so many things.

We have forgotten that those skills on the more positive side of human nature have to be taught, have to be modeled, have to be practiced.

The vast majority of things parents and kids get in conflict over are highly predictable. We're disagreeing about the same expectations the kid is having difficulty meeting every hour, every day, every week. Because it's predictable, we can have these conversations proactively. That is very hard for people.

You're your kid's partner, not the person who's pulling all the strings.

If we're being unilateral, then communication does not happen, the relationship does not happen.

When there's a good fit between skills and expectations, there's what we call compatibility, and we would expect a good outcome. When there's a poor fit between expectations and the capacity of the kid, there is incompatibility, and that's when we see people exhibit challenging behavior.

There is still quite the vibe out there that as a parent you have to be completely in control and in charge.