It's so crucial to really get a good handle on what's getting in the way of the kid completing a homework assignment. It can be so many things.

People don't scream or swear or pout or sulk when there's compatibility. But most growth occurs when there's incompatibility. When it comes to resilience, when it comes to pulling yourself up when you've fallen down, you don't learn those things when things are going well. You learn those things when you're struggling.

Solutions can't be imposed. That just fosters resentment.

There is still quite the vibe out there that as a parent you have to be completely in control and in charge.

When there's a good fit between skills and expectations, there's what we call compatibility, and we would expect a good outcome. When there's a poor fit between expectations and the capacity of the kid, there is incompatibility, and that's when we see people exhibit challenging behavior.

People still look askance at a kid in the supermarket who's pitching a fit and think the parent is not sufficiently in control or not being sufficiently punitive. That's an issue for a lot of parents as well.

Most parents are accustomed to dealing with problems in the heat of the moment.