The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!