Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable.

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.

I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade

Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.

She's 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? "SHREDDER!! GET ME A SHREDDER!!", what do you want a shredder for? "IDENTITY THEFT!!".

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'