I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.
This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!
I've never said flange to a monkey!
Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?
What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!
She's 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? "SHREDDER!! GET ME A SHREDDER!!", what do you want a shredder for? "IDENTITY THEFT!!".