Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?

Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable.

When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: 'He looked really well in that final video.' I was, like: 'No, he didn't - he looked like someone had melted goat's cheese over a sex doll.'

Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you."

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'