Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

I've never said flange to a monkey!

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!

Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you."

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!

What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!