I hope that I'm always satisfied and content like I am right at this very moment.

It's a lot of working out, you know, and you don't get to eat all the things you wanna eat.

That's why you and I had friction? God, I always thought it was 'cause, 'cause I fooled around with your daughter freshman year.

When I exhale, I just turn right into Louie Anderson.

My father was swallowed alive by his own anus. It was a terrible way to go.

Making a mix CD - albeit slightly old school - is generally a pretty cool gift and something I like to receive, or giving someone a book that moved you. Writing an inscription inside makes it even better.

The problem with romantic comedies is you know the ending by the poster. So they're not movies you can keep doing over and over again expect satisfaction somehow.