What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.

I cant sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. Im shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

Quiet! I'm expressing myself!

Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.