The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.

I look like Walt Disney just threw up.

I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.

I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.