I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do.

I cant sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. Im shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!

Two thongs don't make a right.

Quiet! I'm expressing myself!