When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them.

When a husband says, "I run things in my home" he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner.

Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.

Nobody's too fat - they're just too short.

President Herbert Hoover returned his salary to the government. His idea caught on, and now we're all doing it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.