When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Wouldn't you like to weigh what it says on your driver's license?

If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light.

Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.

Nobody's too fat - they're just too short.

President Herbert Hoover returned his salary to the government. His idea caught on, and now we're all doing it.