When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them.

I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Highways are full of careless drivers who are always too close in front of you.

Ever notice that nothing changes the color of paint like putting it on a wall?