In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.

Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.

President Herbert Hoover returned his salary to the government. His idea caught on, and now we're all doing it.

On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why doesn't the plane just become a boat?

"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your feet aren't empty," said the doctor.

The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.

I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross.