If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.

I have lived a carnal life.