If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.

In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!

I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.

If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.