Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!

If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.

Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!

I'd rather entertain people than offend them.