Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid.

Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!

If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.

There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!"

I got divorced, which was not a good thing for a revivalist minister. It did not go down well. I'd already been banned from a couple churches for my jokes. So one day I woke up and decided it was time to start living for myself.

I'd rather entertain people than offend them.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!