It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.

John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.

How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

AIDS is a horrible disease, and the people who catch it deserve compassion.

You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.

I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.