Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!"