Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.

There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!"

You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.

I have lived a carnal life.

When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.