Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.

You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?

It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.

I'm attracted to heartbreakers.

With any other celebrity, people come up and say, 'Hey, I really like your work.' But with my fans, when they see me, they don't even say hello. They just go, 'AWWWWWGHGHHHGHGHRRR!'

John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.