I'm attracted to heartbreakers.

How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?

John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.

You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.

I got divorced, which was not a good thing for a revivalist minister. It did not go down well. I'd already been banned from a couple churches for my jokes. So one day I woke up and decided it was time to start living for myself.