I'm attracted to heartbreakers.

I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!

I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.

There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!"

Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.