You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.

When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.

What happened? Satan was busy?

I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.