When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'

What happened? Satan was busy?

It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.

Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!

How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?

When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.