When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.

With any other celebrity, people come up and say, 'Hey, I really like your work.' But with my fans, when they see me, they don't even say hello. They just go, 'AWWWWWGHGHHHGHGHRRR!'

Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!

If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.

How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?

When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.

I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.