The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!

How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.

Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.

Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!