Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor."

How wise are Thy commandments O Lord. Each one of them applies to somebody or other I know.

At the U.N., any nation that fights back is censored as an "aggressor."

The American success formula is first to get a home of your own, then to get a car of your own so you don't have to stay in that home of your own.

Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.