Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

If you owe fifty dollars you're a piker; if you owe fifty thousand dollars you're a businessman; if you owe fifty million dollars you're a tycoon; if you owe fifty billion dollars you're the government.

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

When I came home and showed my mother my report card with a mark of 98 in arithmetic, she wanted to know who had gotten the other two points.

It would be useless to bomb Washington. If you destroy one building, they already have two other buildings completely staffed with people doing exactly the same thing.

Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.