Learn from other people's mistakes. Life is too short to make them all yourself.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

Life begins at forty, but so does arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same person.

The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.

It would be useless to bomb Washington. If you destroy one building, they already have two other buildings completely staffed with people doing exactly the same thing.

If you want to kill time why not try working it to death.