It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'

Democracy means doing whatever you want without asking permission of anybody but your boss, your doctor, your lawyer, your landlord, your bank, your city, your state and federal authorities, and your wife and children.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

More and more Congressmen now stay in Washington all year-round because they can't stay at home under the laws they've passed.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor."

There was an old Woman who lived in a shoe She had so many children Her government subsidy check came to $4,892.